thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
