On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
