you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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