You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
