how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
