It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
