She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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