so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
