I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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