dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
