i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize