No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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