I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
