We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
