I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
