You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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