You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
