Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Randomize
