Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
These tits shall not be calmed
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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