Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
