Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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