there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
