there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
