we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
