Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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