i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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