yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i think my mom watched the whole time
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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