Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
