Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
