so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
