No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
