my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
