I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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