He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize