I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
