the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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