I think I am morally bankrupt
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
