Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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