I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
