i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
