i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
