I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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