i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
