I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
