How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
