I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
