there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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