Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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