There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
