Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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