I puked a lego.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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