just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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