you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
false alarm, still single
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