sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
