four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
