How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
