yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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