I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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