Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
