I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
