we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
