Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
