the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
