Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
