sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
