So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
