please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
