meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
