Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
