addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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