You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize